he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
