I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
