So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
