she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
