I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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