Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
