This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Found the puke drawer
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
