She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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