I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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