you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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