she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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