where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
