The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
