Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
