he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
