I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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