Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
