I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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