omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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