Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
