Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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