You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize