Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
