Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
