some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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