Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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