is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize