Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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