bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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