she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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