My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
