You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
