I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
