Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
