first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
