Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
