That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We just shotgunned beers for America
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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