just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize