Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
