I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
