the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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