why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
