Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
