Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
