honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Girls should come with a carfax report
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
