I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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