Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
