One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize