We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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