My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize