Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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