when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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