to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
