I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
