I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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