Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we're making bets on your personal life
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
