You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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