Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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