New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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