Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
