So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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