Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
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you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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