Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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