I wanna bring you to show and tell
i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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