That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
