Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
