I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We are all done wearing pants today
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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