after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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