Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
