There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
