I'm going to jail i love you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
