I am spending my child support on dildos
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize