When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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