don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
