I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
