Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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