I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
