for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
