please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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