Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
look no pants
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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