The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
