so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
