So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
