she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
