i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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