Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
